My heart, my love, my life

My heart, my love, my life

Sunday, August 15, 2010


As many of you know we moved into a new house in December of 2009, a little over 2 months after bringing our children home from Ethiopia. We just sold that big, beautiful house. It hasn't even been a year. The Lord began to speak to Jared right after we moved in. He cried a lot and said that he felt that we had done the wrong thing. I kept thinking that he was just being sentimental and missed our old home. Yet, he persisted. When I finally caught on, which took awhile, we began to pray that God would make us like-minded. Whichever direction that might be, we had never been so far from one another when it came to something like this.

Over time, God began to move my heart in the direction that Jared's had already been for months. When I realized that I had lost the vision that God had given to me for my family, I began to see the holes. I am not sure that I really even know how to explain the holes. We had a vision for our family, not one that we had ever written down, but a vision nonetheless. We desired land, dirt piles, room to run and feast on the little things that God created. To be barefoot and free. Sounds weird. We spent hours outside at our other house. We played soccer, football, baseball, hide and go seek in the dark, races up and down the yard, swimming in the pool, climbing trees, riding bikes, caring for others animals, growing a garden (more on that later), swinging and looking up at the sky through the branches on the tree, pulling weeds and talking about how much weeds represent sin in our lives, digging in the dirt and so much more. Our other house was small and cozy, a place to sit and chat for hours, to play on the wood floor and to hear whispers from the kids across the hall because they were right there. It was a place that was always packed full of people. Whether it was family dinners, college night, movie nights or any number of other reasons, we filled that tiny house.

This house is different. It is beautiful, don't get me wrong, the kind of house we always dreamed of living in. God gave us our dream and then used it to show us that it wasn't everything we thought it would be. My girls have a movie called "Gigi" and Gigi wants Princess Pinkie Stars castle for her birthday. Her father keeps trying to tell her that it isn't for her, that he has something better planned for her, that is made just for her. But she persists and in her dream she is given Princess Pinkie Stars castle, only to find out that nothing is the right size for her. She wanted a chocolate milk moat, which come to find out, attracts bees. She wanted wild flowers instead of fir trees. She is allergic to flowers. The story goes on to make it very obvious that our King has something far better planned for us than we could even ask or imagine. That story reminds me of us. We didn't push to get into this house. God opened all the doors for us to be here, in less than 3 weeks. It has been a safe, comfortable home where our family has been able to make some enormous transitions and adjustments. It has also been a place where Jared and I have learned valuable lessons. I do not think we made a mistake. After all, I believe that scripture that says,

"God works all things for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose."

I just believe that our time here is done. This house served it purpose for the season we needed it. Not long after we both received confirmation and God restored our vision, we put our house on the market with no idea what we were to do next. Six weeks later we have a contract on our house and we are praying for direction. We are open to wherever the Lord leads.

We are looking for a place with land that we can have some horses, goats, chickens and a garden. Nearly every year we had a garden in our other house, it rarely grew anything, but it was always there. A place with riding lawnmowers, tractors, bare feet, flowers and all kinds of nasty creatures (like the frogs I found hidden under a tupperware container today) that my children love to capture. A place where my children learn to work the land and work hard, where I can learn the same and where my precious husband can return to his roots. He grew up farming, milking cows and raising all sorts of strange creatures. I grew up in the city and had nothing like that. It was a life style that I always desired. My mom used to tell me that I was a "small town" girl at heart. I knew I wanted to marry my husband when he climbed up on a tractor in his church clothes to take the kids for a ride.

We desire a smaller house, with only 3 bedrooms instead of 4. My little girls never sleep in their room, they beg to be with their older sisters or they sleep in our room. The bedrooms are all the way across the house here. It breaks my heart when Brityn comes running across the house crying at one in the morning because she is scared. Everyone said we would love the space, love the split floor plan and all the room. We are getting lost in this house. I want to hear the whispers across the hall, the giggles as the talk over the events of the day. I love that my children want to be with each other in the same room. I liked when they were under my feet and in every room that I was in. But somewhere along the line, I forgot that. I struggled going from 4 to 6 children and then being very sick on top of that, just magnified the frustration. I wouldn't go back and change the decisions, not one of them. I am so thankful for the things that God reminded me of. Lessons that I wouldn't have learned any other way. I love that He knows best and also knows the best way to allow us to learn and grow, "so that we may be mature and complete, lacking nothing."

We are excited to see what the Lord does. We are praying for his provision and not our own. Our children are also excited for whatever is in store for our family in the upcoming months. Fall is my favorite time of the year. This summer has been tremendous and we have come to understand so many things. I look forward to the changes and know that the Lord has something good planned. We just have to wait for him to tell us :-)

1 comment:

Kimmie said...

standing in expectation with you...God is faithful and will lead you as you submit it all into His loving (and sufficient) hands.